Crazy, I Am(:

Crazy I am
Sane I am not

Remember my name
I will soon be forgot.

.....................................................

well anyway, update!(: I don't miss Amatorem, I don't really talk to Eadem anymore, because he hasn't stayed true to his name, and i'm completely in love with Magistro Pupa, which was inevitable, him being the only person that's refused to let go(:

.....

Eadem.. I knew it, see? I knew you weren't really like me. And I knew your'e "love" couldn't be real. And now you are just like everyone else, really. Leaving me jealous and confused. I'm used to it, but...what now?
Doesn't matter, I guess.. There isn't actually a "what now?" for us, haha... There's just an "Okay, ou be happy and i'll carry on with my falling apart." That's okay. I'm totally used to it.

(Insert Interesting Blog Name HERE)

Eadem told me to blog, so i'm blogging. Uhmm....I moved to Hurst!! And I forgot my little sister's birthday party was today. That's not good. And iv'e had to write 3 papers in 3 different classes about Libya and my opinion on it so far. I still miss Amatorem, and I finally found a way to see him. But i'll have to walk ten miles a night. Not fun. But worth it. And I have youtube on and the radio on in the living room so i'm never without music, no matter where I go. I'm awesome, yeah? Yeah. Oh and my mom left an hour ago to pick up Magistro Pupa. He's still at his house. Wonder where my mom is... Anywayz, thats my blog. Laterz (:

For my best Friend...Magistro Pupa....

I don't know if I was meant to meet you
I don't know if we were meant to be

I can't explain how much I miss you
But I can't get past the reasons I leave..

You held me close, you hugged me tight
You were always my best friend,
even when love was unforseeable..out of sight

But then I made a mistake
I whispered in your ear
I chained you to my soul, held you oh so dear..

I had just lost my everything
The splash  of white paint on this wall of black
And you were there for me, you said you loved me more than ever
And right then and there, screwed up was our 'best friends forever"...

No, I didn't lie in my moment of weakness
I love you, I love you, you are my other half
I love you, I love you, but then rush to our epitaph..

And now I'm moving, so far away
I want you to forget me a little more, each and every day.

But I didn't lie, Bestest Friend.
I love you- more than ever.
I didn't lie, Bestest Friend.
But it's what I do- break and sever.

Me Bein' A Poet-ess xP

You gave me thoughts I can't contain
I held on too long
now all I am is face and name.

I'm an empty shell, so hallow.
My soul has evaporated, I am shallow.
Like the muddy puddle of a lake under the park bridge
I wonder how long it would take to die if I jumped in..

No, don't you dare say you need me now.
Don't you dare prove it, you said you didn't know how.
Don't pick up that knife, babe, I'm warning you.
If you commit the final act of passion, WE'RE THROUGH.

We've been through this again and again,
even though your patience vanished back then.
But I still play out the scene in my head,
always excluding the part where I saw your body-
Limp
Lifeless
Dead.

My Celebrity Loverrr x)

Rob Thomas <3

Poems and Rhymes haha :)

Baby, you're amazing
I know you'll never leave my side.
You called me amazing
And now i'll never leave you're sight :) <3

Love is truly a drug
Legal because it's made the government also corrupt.
Oh God, i'm so high, lifted from the ground
I look down below, and the loveless look fucked. xD :) <3

"K, alright, love ya baby, sweet dreams and all that, 'night :)"
Goodnight, my love, same to you
Don't let the bed bugs bite, hope you dream of me tonight :)"*

* That really was our goodnight tonight, the only goodnight that brings, even in dark, true light <3

Forever, Always, Today <3

The Unfortunate Predicament :/

Magistro Pupa (someone not afore mentioned, but gone from my life as of recently so it doesn't matter)-
  -"Iv'e held you and made you happy. You are amazing and beautiful and can do no wrong in my eyes. I'd die for you."

Eadem-
 -"I want to hold you, and know everything about you and I miss you when your'e gone. I care."

Amotorem-
 -"I only say those things when you're mad or that's what you want to hear. But I do think you're cool and I wish my exes were as cool as you. I like holding you."

See, the predicament is- the first two are/would be perfect. But sadly, will never stand a chance to the third. Because the third will not give himself, all of himself, to me in any way but physically. But there's something when I look at him and his arms are my happy place- my home. That's what keeps me going. Not the foolish flatteries of Magistro Pupa and Eadem. But Amotorem and I have been seperated by miles and the first two boys are getting too tempting... But I swear it on my grave, I will be faithful to this boy i've given my soul to. Even if it kills me to do so </3


*And yes,  things really are this dramatic in my head. My life will be played out in a Shakespearean fashion. Hmmph!

Codenames!! :)

Eadem- Someone who is almost exactly like me...very interesting...i'll probably talk about him alot, too haha :)
Temere- This one girl that is like my sister. Random and mean alot of times, but she cares and I have no choice but to smile around her :)
Fortis- My dad, my hero..sometimes my idol, sometimes my adversary.. but always the number one man in my life :)
Amice- My dad's true love, his fianc'ee. My friend, the best mom I could ever hope for :)

*I have 6 immediate siblings, which i'll just call by name :)
Siblings on my dad's side:
  -Jasmine- My favorite sister. The happy, whiny, cheerleader type. But she's very pretty and I know it's stupid, but this sister is my pride and joy :) My youngest sister, also. 7 years old.
  -K.C.- Katrina Christine, my other sister. She's alot like me. Low self-esteem, very mean, but loves everyone sooo much. She's a realist and has no hesitations about crushing all your childish silly things. And she's only 9 years old. We have problems, but I really want to know this sister better..But she seems to hate me :/
  -Tommy- My red-headed brother :) He;s 12, but not perverted at all. Which is very weird, considering everyone he's grown up around is very perverted. He doesn't like to share, and he aspires to be a big "Man of the House" type. But he won't be, he's a big softy :)

My First Blog :)

So....here I am....don't know what i'm supposed to say on here, what a blog is exactly haha... So i'm just going to talk about me for a little while, and people I know (whom I shall use codenames for- for privacy purposes but mostly because codenames are cool) haha :)

Right. Ok. Well, my codename can be Certainly Confused, or whatever you'd like to call me as long as it's not too mean lol... Where should I start? Hmm... I'm a poet. Here's a sample of my raw emotion lol:
 
the devil longs to taste my lips,
says he wants, on his neck, to feel my breath.
says if i grant him this one wish,
he'll remember me well after death.
the demons envy all my power,
wish they could control their master.
id like to help them with their mutiny,
let them know not what happens after.
id like to play hard to get,
just to watch ...the devil twitch.
id like to be my Lord Satan's, dirty little bitch <3

Whoa, bet you didn't expect that xD
Fact is, i'm usually very depressed and a little vulgar, but you'll love me anyway, don't worry :)
I'm sort of happy today though, for reasons not entirely unknown haha :)
I just noticed i put alot of smilies o_o
Oh wellz :)
Haha... What else to know about me? Hmm...I will describe my main friends and give them codenames :)

Sapiens- Easy-going, insightful, a little out there. Very dreamy but also has alot of ideas about how the world works. A fellow poet :)
Simplex- Cute, naive, sheltered, nice, funny one. Also, very short. Iv'e known her for almost 4 years :)
Amatorem- A boy. My boy. I'll describe him in full detail many times. You'll get bored with my ranting about this boy :)

There's more, of course. But i'm tired and still have things to do before bed. Goodnight, whomever so chooses to read this blog haha :)